Tenderness to Everything
by dRuMMerk3lli
Summary: The journey through those four months after Edward leaves her in New Moon. Her pain, angst, and determination. Can Bella save Edward?...or more importantly, herself from life without him?
1. Chapter 1

This is written from Bella's POV, after Edward leaves her in the woods during New Moon.

Bella's Pain

Spinning, spiraling further and further downward. Flashes of my former life hitting me in the face, none of them important to me now. I didn't know where I was going, but anywhere seemed better than there, where anything and everything could lead me to one memory of him. And I didn't want to go near that. Too much pain.

But why is the pain still here? How long has it been? How long will I hurt? Why doesn't Edward-ouch. Edward. That was the explanation to all my suffering. _Any _thought of him. How much I missed him, where he is, his last words-"it will be as if I never existed"-would lead me to my pain. And I just wanted it to stop! Stop agony, pain, spinning, intense heat, sweat rolling all over me, hyperventilation. It all just needed to vanish, I just needed to die.

Edward said that to vampires time is like a sieve and that he will be easily distracted. I could be distracted too, but not so easily, were it not for all this infinite inside-fire burning me, at my heart. Isn't he in any pain?! He and I were meant to be together, at least, so I thought. So if I were to leave his life, like he did mine, wouldn't he be in any pain? He hasn't felt pain in years, so wouldn't any ounce of pain shock and scare him, especially about someone he supposedly loves? Isn't he afraid if _I_ will be okay, well…he said I would be, with time. But maybe I won't be, maybe I shouldn't, just for him, to prove he's wrong. To show that my love for him is too strong to diminish with time or distance.

Stopped. Finally. Dizzy, but stopped-up comes something through my mouth.

Ugh, seems like I've been throwing up for hours; I'm not even sure when I last ate. Or how long it's been. Disorientation. Normal? Ugh, I don't even know what to think. It's probably been a couple of weeks, months maybe. Where am I? I see pictures that fairly resemble my childhood and me. I'm…home? I must be, where else would there be pictures over the fireplace of me? I guess Charlie's at work. It's probably been so long, and Edward is clearly not back. Otherwise, he would have seen my state and comforted and helped me as soon as possible.

And if he's not back by now…he must…not love…me. I flinched as I said that, because the words burned at my insides. I had to know what saying Edward would-OW! There was a rip in my heart that stopped any possible breathing, and made me collapse to the floor. The cool surface calmed me down and brought me back to the kitchen. Panting, I heard a car pull into the driveway. I ran out into the rain, hoping to see the familiar silver Volvo. But as the rain drenched through my thin purple shirt and I saw who it was I slowly began to cry, though you couldn't see it. Good thing too, 'cause I got the sense that Charlie, who was the one who pulled in the driveway, was getting frustrated with my heartbroken behavior. I slowly turned around and walked inside. Though quickly, I wiped the tears from my eyes and began up the stairs.

"Bella?" Charlie called before I could make it to the top.

"Yes, Dad?" I reluctantly answered, I almost made it, and I didn't want him to see me in my angst.

"How was school, B?" he smiled sweetly, but I wasn't sure how long it would last, because honestly, I didn't remember going to school that day. Just the spinning and the pain. Just the constant stabbing at my lungs, heart, and stomach.

"Uhm…good, I guess. Intense day of gym though, so I'm off to take a shower. 'Bye." I swiftly sped-up dialogue as I went into my fabricated story more. I didn't even make it to the stairs before he stopped me from escaping again.

"Really? Since when do you participate in gym?"

"Uhm, since today, when I found out I was good at…soccer." I hastily named a sport. I don't even think I've ever played soccer. When I was little, I immediately learned that I was very uncoordinated, and contributed in sports as _least_ as possible.

"Okay, go shower…I guess…good at soccer, wow." He began to fade away, as I myself got away.

It hurt to have that conversation with him. It was like everything was okay and normal, when it really wasn't. I still had my heart being slashed to shreds by the hunter named Edwa-OW! No! Worse...than before…agh, brea-whoosh! Winded and exhausted from pain and torment, I collapsed onto my bedroom floor, this time unconscious.


	2. Chapter 2

Oh, this was nice. No pain, no fire, just billowy clouds and a…velvet voice? I would know that voice anywhere, conscious or not. Instantaneously, I whipped around in search of it. And behind me, dazzling and glowing in the sunlight, was…can I say his name? Edward. Ahh, it brought sweet sensations, instead of the aches and stings, so maybe he was actually here in heaven with me. Because anywhere where Edward was, was bliss. And with the clouds, no pain, and Edward of course, I couldn't be anywhere but heaven I supposed.

Although he did not seem as stunning and magnificent, and only dreams and fantasies never did his god-like appearance any justice.

"Isabella— " Although his speech and enunciation were in perfect resemblance. Soft velvet coated with warm honey, sweetness to any ears.

"My sweet, I want you to live on with your life, please. For me." I was about to do so, because now I would do anything for him, for I hadn't seen him in a long time, and I was beginning to think he didn't even exist. Like he just vanished in a puff of smoke, and I would never see him again. But he was here, and I believed he would never go. For he loved me—right?

But I wanted to answer him more than anything. "Edward, please, come back. I miss you…" I said trying to hold back tears of happiness, for I was so ecstatic he was here. Visible, speaking, and wonderful.

"Hush, my sweet. Now, I want you to go back to living…not doing what you were before. Live for me…" But I didn't want to. _Why _would I want to? Back there was where pain, fire, and self-stabbing would wash over me again. Next time when I miss him too much and get a memory of him, I might get worse than just a little spell of unconsciousness. And plus, here is where Edward is, and there's no pain at all, cause I can be with him. Just peace, sunlight, and love. I think I'd pick Edward over anyone or anything, any day.

But resistant or not I was slowly floating upwards into the bright light of living hell without Edward.

With a flashing white light I opened my eyes, to find myself in…a hospital room? What the hell?! Charlie went far over…well, I guess he found me rain-wet and unconscious on my bedroom floor. Hm, I guess he had his reasons.

But now I saw Edward! Ah, it made me almost jump out of the hospital bed, were it not for IV cords and random tubes. So was this a key to keeping him in my life? This could be the uprising to his "never exist" theory. But what caused that wonderful angel to grant me a visit? What happened before?…I said his name, but I cant be too drastic or have a dramatic exit from reality, for who knows how long, just to see him.

Like I miss him a lot, but I might accidentally actually injure myself, and that would worry Charlie far too much. He would eventually put me in a hospital permanently, then how would Edward find me?

There's got to be a formula…but I could figure that out later, now I needed to find Charlie, and calm him down from his obvious anxiety.

Now, how to get disentangled from all these ridiculous cords and tubes attached to me. I pulled at them only to get sharp little stabs on the inside of my arm and side. Hm, this was not going to be easy. Across the room, in doctor's tray, I saw all the spiky and jagged gear used for normally operating on people, but I disgustedly looked past all that and saw a far-too-long pair of scissors. They looked menacing, but they would probably detach me from this bed. But now, how to get there? Well, my bed was by the wall. Hm, and my arms hurt only slightly (it wasn't my arms that I hurt in my unconsciousness), so maybe…if I turned the bed, because…it was on wheels! Ugh, I grunted as my weak fragile arms twisted my bed, so my feet were facing the wall (that bed and I together weighed a lot!). I attempted lifting and stretching out my legs...yes, completely mobile and not tired. So, I told Charlie I was good at soccer; maybe I was. So technically my legs would be strong, right? Why not give my "strong legs" a shot? You know, despite the fact that the whole soccer thing was a lie and I don't even remember playing soccer before, I gave the wall the biggest thrust and squeezed my eyes tight, ready for and impact, and surprisingly I smacked into the opposite wall, right next to the scissors. Wow, and I thought things only worked out for Edward—whoops! Ouch. Shouldn't have said that. I did feel slightly dizzy, but I needed to assure Charlie that I was okay. Trying to ignore my tightened esophagus, shortness of breath, and quickened heart rate, I grabbed the razor-sharp scissors, and began cutting at anything attached to me that wasn't normally supposed to be there. All the medical machines and tubules followed me across the room, and kind of spilled around me when I made impact.

Just as I was cutting the last two threads, I heard steps coming towards my room. Uhm, oh no, what to do? My quickened and naturally louder breath didn't help me hide myself or concentrate. Like a three year old playing hide and seek, I tried to burrow beneath my sheets and covers, and I almost made it, except for my hair, which was seen, by whoever was in this room. They gently pulled on it, and I moaned but came up anyway.

Ah! Wait—what?! I—she—WHAT? My breath instantly accelerated to quick short staccato breaths in and out. One of the last cords attached to me just so happened to be my heart rate monitor, and just as it started to beep erratically and spasmodically, everything went black.

I woke up with a moan, and biologically had to turn to the side of the bed and throw up. What you ask (well maybe not), but probably all the medicine the doctors gave me in an effort to stop any pain and to calm my body down, and possibly heal whatever they thought happened to me. Ewww, I thought, as I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. I looked around the room, and I was back to where my bed was originally positioned, and there was someone smiling peacefully in the corner of my room, staring at me.


	3. Chapter 3

I didn't scream, but I had to make sure this mirage was hopefully real.

"Alice?" I whispered with anxiety. She gave a warm smile and motioned her hands into a praying position, and made to lay her head down on them, while closing her eyes. She was telling me to sleep. I didn't know if she was telling me to do so cause someone was coming, or if she wanted me to rest for real. I took it as acting asleep, for I had just sleep, well passed out, for an immeasurable amount of time. And I didn't feel weary, yet. So I softly laid my head down on my pillow and attempted to slow my breath, Alice was here and I was so energized. And before I closed my eyes, I saw Alice pretending to sleep too. Pretending because vampires can't sleep.

Suddenly, I heard why Alice gave me forewarning. Hurried footsteps were coming down the hall. Alice had probably seen them coming a couple minutes prior. I slowed down my breathing extremely, hoping they would think I exhausted from being in this hospital.

"Shh, this is Isabella's room?" said a man's voice. Clearly, he had not spoken or seen Charlie, because he would have instantly corrected him to call me Bella. There must have been a head motion, because I didn't hear anything and I heard them cross the threshold of "my room".

"Hm, her heart rate seems to be exaggerated. She must have been up a couple of minutes ago…" As his voice, the same voice as before, trailed off, I understood that he implied I was currently sleeping.

"Who's this?" The other voice asked. So he could talk. He was obviously indicating Alice, who was technically asleep. And her act was probably better than mine, because she didn't even have to breathe, so she could really put on a performance. At this thought, I laughed, which was supposed to be to myself, but it accidentally slipped out of my "sleeping" mouth. Shocked at my body's unintentional noise, of course my breathing quickened to maybe a normal sleeping pace. (I was exaggerating my breathing). But the second voice serendipitously noticed my heart rate monitor, and probably glared at me for a long time. I could feel I was under her gaze for the longest time, while his partner snooped around the room. Finally though I heard footsteps leave the room, and I could finally hyperventilate with fear.

"Alice, who were those men?" I asked anxiously. These men were obviously not part of the hospital staff, if they did not attempt to "wake" me, give me medicine, or check/refill any of my cord or wires attached to me. Or even "wake" Alice and ask what she was doing here, or if I was okay. So many things that hospital staff would do, but these men didn't.

"Those…were…well, you're not going to be pleased, Bella. They were of course vampires. I've been keeping tabs on you, and I saw they were coming. Then I asked Edward what they were thinking and…and, uhm Bella?"

Knowing the fact Edward was alive and clearly willing to help me was a little too much for Bella to understand.

Bella wasn't me anymore, and I had just figured that out. Bella was the whole person, who had love. But then, love absconded her, and left her broken, as a part. A part of a puzzle, that only her and Edward had been in. I was no longer whole, for Edward was never coming back. I could no longer be—

"Bella!" Alice was screaming at me, while she, as gently as she could, was shaking me. Trying to get a hold of me…Bella…whoever! The body that was hurt and without love, anymore. The body was out of breath and probably about to pass out…but then Alice said something that could possibly have brought Bella back to that body, back to me. To possibly make me whole again.

"Bella, stop. You can be incoherent in a second, but listen. These vampires have captured Edward and…" Alice was still rambling on, but something needed to be explained to myself. Now, how this made me whole I don't exactly know. Was it the fact that I knew Edward was alive? Possibly, but I could be hyperventilating for that reason. Was it that maybe I felt like he got what he deserved? He left poor Bella alone and crushed, while he got to go on and live his life. He said I could live mine, but there was no way I could call being slashed up internally living. Hm, probably not, for I believed there was still a part of my heart that still loved and cared about Edward. There was, there had to be, because I wanted to and needed to be with Edward—forever. Maybe that was it, because I needed to be with him forever, and knowing he was captured would only hurt myself, because my heart could only be filled by our love and care for one another. So it was decided, well two things. One, I was me again; I could be temporarily whole, because I would see Edward. And being near him would fill the gap, for a little while; no pain (even for the littlest while) compared to unending pain was greatly favored. And two, I had to go save Edward, with Alice of course.


	4. Chapter 4

"Sorry Alice, I wasn't listening. What'd you say?" I asked Alice. I had gone on a little tangent inside my head, but I needed an explanation, so I didn't feel so bad about not listening. So Alice said that she knew where Edward was located, that we just had to get there. But there was a tricky part to the situation. See "vampire headquarters", you could call it, was in Volterra, Italy. There, there are special types of vampires, like Alice and Edward, who have extra abilities, like seeing the future or reading minds. But Edward's kidnappers were set to leave for there, as Alice saw, but haven't left yet. And if we didn't leave soon, we wouldn't be able to catch them before they left for Italy. Cause if that were the case, we'd have to find a flight and head over there, while they would probably have their own means of transportation that would be undoubtedly faster. And…we might not be in time.

For what? Alice wouldn't exactly tell me. Most likely trying not to scare the hell out of me, so I wouldn't and couldn't back out. But I myself knew I wouldn't, I knew I had to be strong for this. I didn't want pain anymore, because if there was any pain related to Edward in my life, I knew I could very well die. Though it sounds dramatic, try having half of your soul being ripped out of you, and that's what Edward did to me. If Edward was willing to cooperate was a different story, but he would have to. Because I needed him, otherwise I might go into despair and angst. He wouldn't want to see that, no boy does. So he'd feel for me right? To be whole, and what Edward wanted me to be, he'd have to be a part of my life. There was no other conclusion. Whether he would be a part of my life for a hopeful eternity was again another story.

But Alice said Marcus' and Alex's plan (the names of Edward's kidnappers), as far as she would tell me, was to take him to the other side of the country. So incase I would miraculously obtain information of where Edward was, or any of his family, it would difficult to find him. Luckily, they didn't know that Alice could see what they were planning. Unfortunately for us, she had to see around (by herself; normally Edward helped) and feel for vampires. Alice's power could not normally do that, but in being Edward's brother for so long, she picked up a small ability to sense and see vampires nearby. And nearby, being a vampire's, was a thousand times bigger than a human's close by. But their plan, and they were close to being there, was to take him to a small, secluded town, much like Forks, to hide in till they were given a go. And Alice saw the plan, and it headed towards a small town on the shore of New Jersey. Diamond Beach, New Jersey to have an exact pinpoint. I've always heard New Jersey beaches were good, if not, the boardwalks amazing. So I was slightly excited to go there, but I had to stay focused. Edward needed me, whether or not he denied it.

"Come on, Bella. We've go to get out of here first." She said urging me to get up and move. I hadn't realized that we were still in the hospital.

"Wait, what about Charlie?" I suddenly remembered and asked. Could I leave him a note? He was very worried; cause the whole reason I was here was because of Edward. _He_ made me collapse onto my bedroom floor unconscious.

"Uhm, well we don't have that much time Bella…here," She quickly grabbed a pen and a pad of paper, "Write him a brief note. We have to hurry!" As she gathered my things, though there weren't that many, I wrote an elaboration on what happened and where I was for Charlie.

Dad,

Sorry for the scare earlier, but I have to hurry. Though you might be angry on why I'm leaving, I have to go. Alice just told me that Edward is in danger. I know he's the one who hurt me, but I have to do this for…myself. If I don't help him, I may not be able to go on with my life, as I plan to, to help you. I'll call as soon as I can. Don't worry.

I love you,

Bells

The note was difficult because I wasn't sure when the next time I would see Charlie would be. But now I had to focus. Edward was in danger, and though he might deny it, he needed my help.

I swiftly followed Alice down the hall trying to be as graceful as her. Grace seemed to bring silence in your step. But, being me, as I tried to dance down the hallway as Alice does, I tripped over my own feet and feel flat on my face. I groaned, but had to get up and hurry off, because my little show made massive amounts of noise, and I heard footsteps coming from the direction towards the outside world. That's where Alice and I were trying to escape. Dang it. We had to find a different exit, and quickly. Alice gave me a roll-of-the-eyes, and a slight smirk. Stylishly she picked me up, and tangoed down the hall, opposite the footsteps' coming. Alice knew just what to do to make someone feel better and calm someone in a time of worry. I guess she picked it up from Jasper, with his emotion-controlling power.

Soon, we danced upon a dark hallway, seeming like it had been deserted. We wanted to take a break there, and figure out our plan.

And when we caught our breath, "Alight, Bella? No more dancing down hallways; you trip when you walk slowly." She gave a quick laugh, and it helped me calm down and focus.

"So what's the plan?" I asked too eagerly; this was a life-threatening situation that I had to survive in order to possibly complete myself.

"Alright, well Bella. We have to keep track of Alex and Marcus. See where they're heading, because they probably have a fast-track route. And we need to be as prompt as possible in order to save him—" I cut Alice off from her rant of perfectly pronounced syllables.

"Wait! Alice, why—does Edward…I need to know something…" I finally finished my incomplete thought.

"Uhm, okay, but make it quick. They're vampires and can flit too."

"Okay…d-does…Edward know w-we're coming to help him? Well, or that I'm coming?" If he didn't know, he might not want me there.

"Okay, listen. I'm going to be brief, cause we _really _have to go," Alice sighed. "Okay, Bella, he was in denial all while we were gone. He said this was better for you, that that's all he wanted. Was for you to be safe. But we—all of us—knew that he was incomplete and, so to speak, dying inside without you. All day he…he might kill me for telling you this but, all day, he would just stay in his room, talking to himself, shuddering and whimpering. He said to me once, that he could hear some of the kids at school's thoughts, very choppy and unclear, but he could still hear them. And he…he heard that you pretty much _looked_ like a vampire. All pale, and purple shadows. And he couldn't stand it. He knew he himself wouldn't be okay, but he thought you could go on. And when he heard that you weren't exactly doing so, he gave up. All for you…" Alice rushed through it very fast, and sometimes I couldn't understand her, but I heard some things that just connected and linked up. Edward missed me, or so she said. But, from the sound of it, he wanted the best for me, and obviously he didn't know that included him in my life. But, he would be in denial when I found him and some—

"Alright! Bella, focus! We have to move. I know you're probably ecstatic, but when you see him…well, you'll see. But come on. No one is at the door, and I don't see anyone catching us."

She picked me up and tossed me on her back, for preserving my whole state, and I was even still woozy from all the drugs they injected into me, and the recent breathing anxiety. Being on the back of a should-be dancer was fun. You felt amazing, well, you did if you were a clumsy baby horse like I was where every step made me tumble because it was like I was just learning.

Easily we found the back exit and were on the expedition for finding a _very_ speedy sports car, so Alice could drive insanely fast like the rest of her family.

(A/N: Please tell me what you think of it! Cause I don't know if everything seems okay. K thanks : )


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